Bionicon
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Message from our CEO: The Cost of Being Cutting-Edge
Dear Friends,
We categorically deny any accusations of improper research or abusive genetic experimentations on humans. We have always maintained the stricted standards of ethics and quality in our pursuit of cutting edge technologies that will benefit all humankind. Recent reports of "mutants" are grossly exaggerated -- most likely they are plants by our corporate competitors that are jealous of the growth of magnitude of Bionicon and our recent win of an exclusive military contract. I assure you that although it was a no-bid contract and the director of the military appropriations committee is myfather's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate, such things mean nothing and we won the business solely on our own merits and reputation.
Our recent hiring of the Light Foot Division mercenaries should not be construed as a hostile act by our neighbors. In fact, it is quite the opposite. We love the unique community of Thorpia and strongly believe that good fences make good neighbors. Any breach of our security endangers not just our corporate interests, but the health and safety of the people and animals around our location. As we admittedly work with volatile and previously unexplored materials, we follow the stricted protocols to protect people and wildlife. Protecting our facility from any sort of tampering or espionage is in Thorpia's best interest.
We have not engaged in kidnapping companion animals, wild pandas, schoolchildren, or our own research staff. These lies are harmful and unfair to the valuable work we perform. As far as missives from so-called mutants, these people should seek psychological help. We offer our services free to anyone in need. Please report any mutant sightings to the Light Foot Mercenaries or to our Public Relations Department.